Making some connections...

I hinted last time that I thought I might have made a couple of connections in regards to my medical situation. First maybe it would be best if I clarified what my situation is in total. Obviously my weight is an issue and losing weight will only help all of the other medical concerns that have developed over the years. I never had a weight problem as a kid but as a girl I had terrible menstral cycles. The very first one was painful -even before I began to bleed I was having cramps. I was 11 and they didn't get better. I was always regular, ran 7-10 days (5 of which were heavy) and pms was standard. By the time I was 18 I was taking 1400 mg of Ibuprofen every 4 hours until a doctor gave me Flurbiprofin which worked much better. I had what was possibly a miscarriage at 19; but due to drug use use at the time there was never a definitive answer. I had my one child at 23 (1993) via emergency c-section. I did not dilate past 6 and she was stuck. After having her my marriage ended and I became a single mother. By 1997 I was living on my own and had experienced several physical and emotional 'traumas' within a short period of time. Quick recap: moved away from family, started full-time college, started par-time job, car accident requiring surgery to repair broken hand, confirmed pregnancy before surgery, miscarried(had to have DNC) and ex appeared out of no where. I found myself very depressed, to point of not being able to get myself out of bed on the weekends. I managed to function enough to get to class and essentials taken care of and that was all. I was also having bad periods along with typical Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Put me on birth control to help with the periods - which it did for a while but depression got worse. I felt like I was in this swirling cycle that kept spinning me round and round and I couldn't get off or get well. Things were spiraling out of control. Counselors wanted me on anti-depressant but I resisted for a long time. After almost losing it and taking it out on K I decided I had better take their advice before something serious happened. Tried a couple finally settling on Welbutrin and things seemed to get better for a while. But weight was still an issue.

The next major events occur ed after moving to California. Within a few months of being here I found a gyno that was a woman in a women's clinic. She was wonderful and she is still my doctor today. I shared my problems and she began the process of trying to figure out what was wrong. Ruled out Polycystic whatever it is and eventually found that I had 3 fibroid tumors. Had my first fibroidectomy in spring of 2003. They ended up removing 5 tumors and leaving what was possibly two more. Within one year my symptoms were back and there were 3 more visible tumors. I had been on birth control which is supposed to slow the growth but didn't seem to work in my case. At this point I am faced with a couple of choices: leave them and deal, have a hysterectomy. Because I already had so much scar tissue we needed to keep the surgery number down. Since JT and I had decided we weren't going to have any children I opted for the hysterectomy, leaving at least one ovary ( she already new that one probably needed to go). To shorten the story some: I started bleeding again (I still have my cervix - which can 'bleed' during your normal cycle time) and after many tests have concluded that I have extensive endometriosis that is in the process of invading my bowels near my rectum. A quite common place for endo from what I have read.

Now we are to the Spring of 2007 and I am working on losing weight again controlling what I eat. I was following the Schwarzbein general plan. One of the foods I incorporated into my diet was a protein bar made by Kraft in conjunction with South Beach Diet. That spring I suddenly began to lose weight without even trying. It was dropping off, I felt good, had energy and then it started. Suddenly I was having panic attacks, was going to the bathroom (number 2) 5-8 times a day, my hair was falling out and all this just made the endo problems even more aggravating.

MY CONNECTION (in case your scanning because your tired of all the drivel) Those protein bars have lots of soy in them. I've been trying to figure out what happened then, trying to recreate the good without the bad - not sure its possible now. At the time I really felt like everything was finally falling into place, my body was 'functioning' again. Maybe if I ate soy products with the supervision of my doctors so it was controlled? I know this all goes together. I really don't think I need to be on all this medication. Oh, I'm not finished yet...I have also been diagnosed as having hypothyroidism and am on Levoxyl as well as Bipolar2 and am taking Cymbalta for that. The drugs I think I should be able to eliminate if I can get my hormonal system working like it should: Welbutrin, Levoxyl, Cymbalta, Vicadin and ibuprofen.

Well, it's getting late and I have things to do tomorrow.

Last day w/ fit trainer and first day of summer

My last meeting with my fit trainer was this afternoon and it went well. He showed me a couple of new machines and my arms are feeling it - but it's good! I need to look a couple of things up - one in particular - I think I may have figured out what caused my body to go haywire two summers ago. I need to look up the ingredients for a protien bar. It is late and I didn't make to bed until after midnight the last two nights and still had to get up at 6:30. Off to bed now for some z's and more writing tomorrow afternoon. Need to head to hardware store for a few things and work on getting this house at least surface clean and start planning out the summer's projects. So much to do, so little time and don't really feel like doing any of it. But no more but glued to couch - time to get out of this funk and get back to living. I'm hoping that this will blog will help me cut back on a few bills - like counseling. I either need to write and then print it off, take it to my session and read it or not bother going. I have all these things I know I need to work on get straight in my head but when I sit on the couch in front of her I only manage to share the surface stuff - the deeper things comment out in final comments as the session is ending. "We'll have to explore that more..." and we never do. To bed, To bed!! G'night and thanks to those of you who have indicated you will be at least 'watching'.

"Grace is a priceless gift."

Great article

I receive a newsletter from this website and this article (http://www.womentowomen.com/adrenalfatigue/adrenalglandweightgain.aspx?) was one of the most recent. I have read similar information, most notably when reading the Schwarzbein books. It is for this very reason I feel that if I can get my diet regulated, exercise regularly and manage my stress I will be able to get off all these &*%$ drugs that keep me sane, stop the pain and not feel so worn down all the time.

Quick exercise update: I worked out on Monday 30 minutes on the treadmill (1.78 miles, 250+ calories) and the lower body/core exercise machines. Tuesday was 45 minutes treadmill (2.+ miles, 350+ calories) and 15 minutes bike (1.5+ miles & 175+ calories)

Need to get to bed, one of my goals is to get to bed earlier so that I am getting at least 7 hours sleep every night.

"For Thine is the glory!"

It appears that you have to click on the blog title to get to the article. I'll have to figure out what I am doing wrong. Let me know if you can't get to the article and I will just paste it in. G'night!

Adding to the routine

After the second meeting with the trainer I took Krys with me to the gym. She used the treadmill with me and then watched as I worked on the machines. I had told her about J having me use the more difficult ab machine. Can't remember it's name but you sit with hands hold bars behind ears and lift legs as you cruch toward your knees. Anyway...she wanted to know which one it was so pointed it out and someone was using it. He was making it look easy so she made comment about it not seeming that hard. I had to show her of course (that competative spirit took over!) that it wasn't easy but mom could do it! Pushed myself to hard and irritated an area on my left side that acts up now and then. I'm pretty sure it is my endometriosis and/or scar tissue from the surgeries (c-section, fybroidectomy and hysterectomy). If I move, cough or sneeze wrong I will sometimes feel this ripping sensation that is quick; like you've been stabbed. Then it will throb for a time, sometimes it is enough that I will take something. This time it was enough I thought it best to lay low until it, at least, wasn't tender to the touch.

My third day with J was yesterday and I explained why I had postponed our appointment. He aggreed it was likely that machine. He decided to show me some additional machines that would work on the muscles in and around that area. He also lowered the weight and reps on the ab machine and stressed again that I need to increase reps not weight. He ended up cutting our time short and scheduling me for another day next week. He said he wanted another day to make sure I was comfortable with the new machines. I went back up and did more cardio to finish out my hour before going home. I feel ok today; the area is sore and I can feel it every now and then. I'm planning on working out tomorrow but only doing cardio.

It feels good to be 'feeling' my body. Sore muscles remind you that you have more work to do and ensure that you do it because two days rest means stiffer muscles! Need to get ready for bed. Good night!

Work hard to please Him!

The Journey Begins...

I started this blog hoping to force myself into being accountable in my efforts to take better care of myself. I recently signed up for a gym and will have my third and final meeting with the trainer on Friday. He has given me a very rigorous workout to help get rid of the fat and tone up the muscle. The hard part is going to be getting myself there on a regular basis. I would really prefer a treadmill here at home so I didn't have to go anywhere but that will have to wait and my getting healthy won't. I am working on an eating plan that will work for me ant my family. Mom has recommended a program called Medifast and I have looked into it but I am not sure I want to go that route. I wouldn't be able to eat all of their foods because a lot of it is soy based and my obgyn said to stay away from soy due to my endometriosis. Which adds a whole different element to this whole process. I have learned the hard way that when the endo is inflamed it is not good to exercise - it only makes it worse. I am hoping that once I have been exercising regularly I will begin to notice a decrease in the pain and will be able to work-out through the flair-ups.

I've put it off long enough, as much as I don't want to I am going to post my physical bio tonight. I have officially weighed and measured myself to establish a staring point for this journey of healing. This is only one facet of the journey - the others will be explored later or in other postings. For now, the weight issue!!

The facts:

• Height: 5'7"
• Weight: 220 lbs
• Neck: 15"
• Rt Arm: 14 1/2"
• Chest: 45" (over breast) 35" (under breast)
• Waist: 37"
• Hips: 46"
• Rt Thigh: 28"

I currently wear a women's size 16 and put more stock in how I feel and look than in what the scale says. In high school I learned that my size and weight did not match. I could wear the same clothes as friends that weighed 135 but I weighed 150-155. I beleive that 175 is a reasonable goal for me to acheive at this point. I am 20+ years past high school and realistic enough to know that bearing a child and age change the body in ways that can't always be reversed.

Over the next few blogs I will continue to share my current 'state of affairs'. A quick synopsis is that over the years I have (in order) been diagnosed and/or been treated for the following: major depression, irritable bowl syndrome, fybroid tumors (4 removed), hypothyroidism, fybroid tumors (again), endometriosis, bi-polar 2 disorder. Getting to this point in life was not easy, I made a lot of mistakes along the way and have not treated my body as well as I should have. My life is taking a turn since I will soon be an 'empty nester' and I should be looking forward to this time when I am young and free to do so many things. NOT!!!! I am so tired and worn out most the time that I haven't even done the things I dreamed of doing with my daughter.

I can't change the past but I can certainly change the outlook for the future and I can take each moment as it comes, praying each step will be guided by the hand of God as I work to become healthy in all aspects of my life: spiritual, emotional, physical and relational.

Comforted for now...:) goodnight!

Life is hectic

School is almost out and hopefully things will slow down some. Its not that I've had so much to do really, just a lot of emotional 'stuff' at work and home. Sometimes I wonder if it is really such a great idea to put off dealing with some of these things until 'summer begins'. At the same time I am just not up to any more emotional strain. Krystal is not getting better like I would like. She was running another low grade fever last night. Not than anyone is paying attention but for an update she has been very sick. What we thought was an infection from a budding wisdom tooth turned into a very bad case of strep throat (took two antibiotics to get rid of it) and mono. When they did the blood tests her liver enzymes were elevated which is cause for some concern. They want her getting her blood checked every two weeks until she tests negative. I'm not sure how we are supposed to go about doing that when she is up in Washington but we'll figure it out. I want to get to bed. I'm meeting my new boss tomorrow and want to be rested. I'll be on here more frequently in the near future as I work to get my self back on track. Have a good one and God Bless all.