It began as simply waking up a little earlier than normal each morning so that I could read my Bible and spend time in prayer. As I spent time with God He made me aware of things in my life that needed to change. It seemed that every time I picked up the Bible I was reading scripture or commentary that spoke to my unhealthy lifestyle choices. These choices created a sinful barrier between myself and God and if I really wanted to turn my life around I was going to have to turn all of these things over to Him. On any given day I was using something to fill the void in my heart that only God is capable of filling. Over my lifetime these things have included reading books, food, drugs, sex and codependent relationships.
As I read my through the books of the New Testement, Psalms and Proverbs I saw over and over how much God loves me. I was reminded repeatedly that Jesus died so that I don't have to carry the burden of the pain that has been done to me, nor do I have to carry the burden of the sins I have committed.
On July 1, 2011 I made the decision to take my life out of Satan's hands and place it back in Jesus' loving arms. His arms were willingly extended and nailed to the cross so that I could live free from the burden of my sins. He died, was buried and rose again so that I too may have life - abundant life!
In a recent post I talked of the 12 steps of recovery and proclaimed that "No, I don't think I need a 12 step program for the steps". I am now a regular attendee of NA, AA and Celebrate Recovery. I am working my steps with a sponsor and proud to say I am on step 6. I was so off base to think that I did not need the steps to help me recover from my addictions.
Working step 4 & 5 were liberating-
4. I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself.5. I admitted to God, to myself, and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs.
For the first time I truly looked deep down inside and dug out all the stuff hidden in the corners of that dark hole I had been trying to fill. I pulled it all out, looked at it all for what it was, confessed my sins to God and as I did so handed it all to Him. One ugly memory at a time. Each time I did, that black hole got smaller and smaller. There is now a light that fills my heart, joy and peace that exists even during the storms of life.
Thank you Jesus for loving me, freeing me of my past and giving me hope for the future!
