Med update

*Warning this contains graphic physical/medical terminology*

I had an appointment with my obgyn a week ago and we have come up with a plan of action to address my concerns.  I went to her because I have had rectal bleeding every month for over 6 months; indicating the endometriosis has advanced to the point of breaking through the mucus layer in my bowel. I am worried that a blockage could occur which would then require emergency surgery and possible long-term problems.  We discussed several possibilities but settled a multi-directional approach.
        *I am to make an appointment with my psychiatrist and find out the possibility of increasing my cymbalts to help with pain management & recent increase in depression symptoms.
        *Dr. is going to check in to a new medicine that has possible benefits for me and dealing with the endo.
        *Dr. will request depo/lupron shot approval from insurance.  She wants me to get at least one shot before having surgery.
         *Dr. will perform surgery to remove final ovary and any endo possible.
         *Will go on HRT

My concern with this plan is the depo/lupron shot.  The major side effects for this are hot flashes, night sweats, depression, weight gain and sometimes thyroid problems.  Already have night sweats, have been diagnosed bipolar 2 (depression with periods of even deeper depression), have weight issues and a thyroid problem.   The purpose of the depo/lupron is to shrink the endo.  This is done by putting your body into artificial menopause and can be administered for up to a year.  Each shot lasts 3 months.  Dr. wants me to go through one 3 month treatmen in order to shrink the endo away from the bowel a little so she possibly won't have to cut as far into that area.  However, when depo/lupron is used it is more difficult to even see the endo; diffrentiated it from other scar tissue.

I don't want to put myself or my family through the emotional upheavel it sounds like this would cause.  I'm not sure I could continue working at that point.  So much to consider and on top of it all JT and Kry had another major blow-up last night.

The bell has sounded and my time is up - I must run before I turn into a pumpkin! :)  Actually just need to get in bed so I can get a few hours of sleep before the dreaded wake-up ring causes my phone to shutter violently on my bedstand.  Goodnight.

This deep abyss grows darker by the minute, my heart pounds as I sink deeper into this hell they call depresion. Please pray for the wayward souls that find ourselves here. Prayer comes hard at times and we need others to pray that we'll feel God's presence. Save us from ourselves...my head is pounding, my neck a taught bunch of muscels - I must try and get some sleep. Goodnight.

WIG...the nitty gritty

Welcome to my first Week in a Glance (WIG). I've decided on Friday's to try and post a quick recap of my week - the highlights so to speak.

Monday - work went as good as could be expected considering the wrench that was thrown into my schedule. I managed to rework things though and have the required groups of students, for the expected amount of time, receiving the leveled instruction they need.

Tuesday-worked out small kinks in schedule and prepared materials for new groups. Kry's back to school night did not go well. New principal leaves much to be desired in leadership and people skills. Am even more convinced we need to change schools. Hate to do that her Jr. year though so will not make decision until after visiting other school.

Wednesday- At work the new groups worked out ok, transition hasn't been exactly smooth but it is working. New principal of Kry's school was fired and old principal reinstated. Kry was unsure of possible new school, intimidated by size.

Thursday - took day off to deal with getting paperwork together for possible transfer but ended up meeting with new/old principal to get feel for what will be happening. District is going to form committee of parents, teachers and get student input for what to look for in new principal. New superintendant moved very quickly to rectify problem, admitting they had moved too quickly. Feeling much better about leaving her there - will stay for now and see how things are at semester. Mom in law dropped off printer, ink and paper - I have a printer for my classroom!!!!! woohoo!!!

Friday - TGIF. Work day went well. All groups ran smoothly and I think things will iron out and level off. Now just have to finish getting room organized to my liking and get the required testing done so we can get back to the academics. Kry's haired turned out very nice for homecoming dance. Mom still knows how to use a blow-dryer! Her emotional ups/downs are back and she almost came home early today but by time I saw message she was ok and willing to stay.

I like this feature - i can log my exercise. Like now we are taking an undxpected trip to exercise mercedes. This would be great for my other blog to log the random thoughts, memories and events as they come to me. Rather than the current method of trying to remember until the next time i am sitting at my computer. By which time i have usually forgotten the wonderful flow of words.

Just finished updating my blogger profiles and decided to try the mobil upload feature.

On the scale again...

My new exercise partner------------------------------>

I may not have gone to the gym over the summer like planned or try out any classes but I did manage to start exercising. The new addition to our family requires periodic walks around the block in addition to two or three longer walks. Although now that we can go to the park she generally only requires an evening jaunt. Tonight we went down to the river and walked the trails, stopping at a boat launch to let Mercedes play in the water.

I have started back to the gym. Kry and I went yesterday and will be going again tomorrow. I weighed myself to get another starting point and discovered I have lost weight. Thank you Mercedes! My weight, tonight, was 212 which means I've lost another 5 pounds since my last weigh-in.

It's past my computer curfew but had to post since it's been a while on here. I've posted some things on other blog where I post poems, prose, quotes and other misc. pieces I've written and feel like sharing.

I'll be back this weekend to share reflections from this week.

Oh, Endo!

Unlike traditional relationships-
Our marriage began without my knowledge.
There is no way to know for sure
When you came to lodge.

We didn't start like most -
There was no formal introduction;
No "how do you do" or invitation.
You just became a part of me-
Without my consent
Your presence unrequited.

Stabbing pain-
A knife digging deep
This, was your first hello
So many years ago.
Masked by the pain,
By the bane
Of every woman's existence.

This ebb and flow - Came and went
Through the years -
Bringing pain and tears.
Some offered hope-
eliminate the intruders'!

--Ahhh bliss!!
The answer found!
You I will not miss!!


Stabbing, twisting, turning - you let me know
I don't determinewhen you go.

But I insist-
This symbiotic relationship must end!
'Remove the host it's no longer your friend.'

This time it's done
We've gone our separate ways
I am free the bane
And your pain!

Hah! You say
Since when do you
Get your way?

I get it now -
This pain, this relationship
Hidden all these years
Unnamed, misnamed and unidentified
Our relationship finally revealed.

'Call me by name', you say
'Then you will be freed.'
I shout your name - "ENDO!!"
I hate your name - ENDO!!
I really wish you'd go - ENDOMETRIOSIS!!

Soul Mates

The knowledge of that magical image will last forever,
Forever etched in my mind.
Mind and body, heart and soul;
Soul mates till the end.
An image that created the magic we now experience.

Compassion & Grace

Compassion and grace
-You loved me when no one else would
You cared when all who could
Left when I stood.
My story told,
You took hold
And said "your heart is cold."

You showed me warmth
And shared its source
You fanned the coals
You gave me hope
Provided a rope
For me to cling

The fire is low
Please – I must know
Will it ever grow?
Will it blaze?
Will I be dazed?
Will I be warm?

WALLS

Image by watch4u via Flickr

The walls surround me

To high to see

To tall to jump

Can you lift me up?



The wall is thick My heart grows weary

I give it a kick My eyes are teary

Damn it's brick! The strength in my limbs

Slowly dims.

I see a shadow…



Who is it now?

Are you friend or foe?

A calming voice,

An offered hand

A Drop

Of blood –



I see it land

And the wall

becomes a set of stairs

I grasp the hand.

It's always there

Steady, ready, and loving

Gently guiding and reminding

He gave it all for me

Where does the time go?

Summer flew by like a tornado and the school year is off at a whirlwind pace and I'm hanging on by a thread; flopping around like a sheet on the clothesline. The last 5 years I've team taught the special ed learning center program at two respective schools. On top of moving to a new school, this year I am the only special education teacher at the school and am charged with the task of firmly establishing a learning center model for the school. I have 17 students on my case load ranging from mentally retarded (yes we still use those words in the special ed world) to learning disabled. The learning center model places all students in the general classroom for a portion of their day and they come to the learning center for specific instruction. In addition, any other students, even those who are not identified, come to the learning center if their academic needs can best be met by the level of instruction being offered. That's a rather rudimentary definition but all the more I want to go into at this point.


Besides myself I have two instructional assistants who are able to teach small groups during the day. It is my job to establish the schedule, determine what will be taught by whom and gather together all the necessary curriculum and supplies. Essentially I am creating two math lessons, two language arts lessons and providing specific intervention for 17+ students that all have learning disabilities. Basically, I've come to realize that age old reminder that 'you don't know what you have 'till it's gone'.

I wrote this on Wednesday and am just now getting around to checking/posting. I have felt several steps behind and am hoping to get caught up this weekend but it's going to mean sticking to my guns and not letting laziness take over. I need to set up a schedule - I'm thinking I'll read/comment on certain days and post on others; taking a day or two off. I know I'm not the only working mom who is blogging. '

How do you manage to fit it all in?