Work keeps me occupied, vacations bring too much time to stop and bring the truth to light. Reality dims the hopes and dreams imagined during times of stress. This Eeyore needs to think more like the Little Engine that could.

Plotting my return

Time has flown by since I wrote last; the school years is almost over, 2010 is almost 1/4 complete and the world is still topsy turvy.  I have just completed my first official day of spring break doing very little at all.  I did manage to accomplish a few dishes and a load of laundry, looked at my options for a new phone, checked on the tax return and made some dinner. 

I'm going to try writing a post at least once a week now that things have hopefully settled down some.  Life has brought many changes since my last post in November. 

*Our home purchase was finalized in December (with too much drama and stress, but we got it done!)
     >The heating/air conditioning was upgraded in January & we started painting the interior
     >Moved in first of February
     >Still not unpacked or finished painting
*New job has been very stressful & overwhelming at times
     >Instructional assistant decided to 'do her own thing' rather than discuss with me solutions
     >Multiple duties of RSP/SDC and RTI are too much; had to reconsider group sizes & structures
     >Lack of 'drill sergeant' voice/demeanor has continued to make it difficult to control class

         *Have requested assistance, principal very understanding & willing to help (understands I'm just not the 'drill sergeant' type)

*Family relationships have been much better; there have been bumps here and there but they are getting along better.  Although now he complains that I am much more bossy now.  I guess it's ok to get stronger in my interactions with her but not with him.  Aahh well, rough for him - if he wants me to have more backbone then it's going to apply in all areas.

*Had over week long visit from step-son, his girlfriend & her son.  Great visit, can't wait to see them again!

*Turned 40 without anyone noticing.  The 40 part anyway, most people who asked were shocked, thought I was 'much younger'.

*Finally got a new pair of Burks & am getting two favorite pair repaired/reconditioned.

(Music plays softly in the background as rain drums on the roof and wind plays the chimes on the porch)

*Had mamogram/ultrasound; they found a couple of cysts again so have to go back in 6 months; doctor wants me to see specialist

*Haven't lost weight, worked out or changed eating habits - still on the 'To Do' list

*Two weeks of spring break to get :
    >painting
    >unpacking
    >lesson planning
    >gardening
    >and various other projects
done.

I'm tired just thinking about it all...

Well, that has been life, in a nut shell, since November.  I haven't written anything that didn't have to do with work since December and am ready to express.  No writing AND not seeing a counselor is just too much.  I do much better with both but neither has been near disasterous.  Poor JT even said something the other day, just as I was starting to.  I told him that I was really feeling the difference - not seeing her.  He asked why, since we have been talking.  He is the only person I have to talk to besides my mother and I can't talk to either one of them about some things.  I don't seem to have a best friend that I can call up or meet up with for 'girl talk'.  Like I even know what that is really; I just don't know what to call it.  Basically, I still don't feel comfortable telling John every little think that bothers me, irritates me, makes me angry, hurts my feelings, etc.  That is what I use my counselor for - to talk about all the things that I don't feel like I have any control over at home and don't feel I have someone I can talk to about.

Am I the only one who is in this position?  Do you share ALL with your spouse?  Do you have a friend you can debrief with?