When I was 10 years old I prayed for salvation and committed myself to Christ. I wanted to do only God's will from that point on in my life. As I read through the various materials for Codependents Anonymous and Overeaters Anonymous I realized that I have
1. Admitted I was powerless over sin.
2. Believe that God can restore me to sanity.
3. I have given my life and will over to God. (I just need to get better at staying out of the driver's seat!)
4. I am constantly taking a moral inventory of my life.
5. This is where the daily living part comes in and where I need to improve. Steps 4-12 are steps that may be repeated several during a lifetime due to circumstances and decisions we make.
No, I don't think I need a 12 step program for the steps; however, there is something to be said for the fellowship that can be found. I tried one of the Coda meetings here in the area and was not impressed at all. In fact it was rather depressing. When I walked in no one made eye contact, said hello or acknowledged that we had entered into a room where a meeting was going to soon begin. Thankfully we had chosen to be there and were in the correct room. As the meeting progressed each person read from their chosen script in sometimes bare audible monotones. Then as participants shared there was no rhyme or reason to the sharing - unlike the AA and NA meetings I have attended.
My time is short tonight so I'll end with my thoughts from this morning:
*I need to set a schedule that includes working on self
*I need to work on establishing my 'support' network
How does one go about developing a support network?
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts
Monday, January 3, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The 12 steps...
The following are the 12 steps as they would read for either a (codependent) or an overeater...
- We admitted we were powerless over (others) food — that our lives had become unmanageable.
- Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
- Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
- Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
- Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
- Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
- Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
- Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
- Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
- Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
- Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
- Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to (codependents) compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Codependency; another way to look at it...
Am I Co-Dependent?
These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers. (I underlined the ones that I identify with in some way)
Denial Patterns:
- I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
- I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.
- I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.
- I lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others.
- I label others with my negative traits.
- I can take care of myself without any help from others.
- I mask my pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation.
- I express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways.
- I do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom I am attracted.
Low Self Esteem Patterns:
- I have difficulty making decisions.
- I judge what I think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.
- I am embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.
- I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings, and behavior over my own.
- I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
- I constantly seek recognition that I think I deserve.
- I have difficulty admitting that I made a mistake.
- I need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and will even lie to look good.
- I am unable to ask others to meet my needs or desires.
- I perceive myself as superior to others.
- I look to others to provide my sense of safety.
- I have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects.
- I have trouble setting healthy priorities.
Compliance Patterns:
- I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
- I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger.
- I put aside my own interests in order to do what others want.
- I am hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings.
- I am afraid to express my beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others.
- I accept sexual attention when I want love.
- I make decisions without regard to the consequences.
- I give up my truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change.
Control Patterns:
- I believe most people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
- I attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel.
- I freely offer advice and direction to others without being asked.
- I become resentful when others decline my help or reject my advice.
- I lavish gifts and favors on those I want to influence.
- I use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance.
- I have to be needed in order to have a relationship with others.
- I demand that my needs be met by others.
- I use charm and charisma to convince others of my capacity to be caring and compassionate.
- I use blame and shame to emotionally exploit others.
- I refuse to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate.
- I adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes.
- I use terms of recovery in an attempt to control the behavior of others.
- I pretend to agree with others to get what I want.
Avoidance Patterns:
- I act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward me.
- I judge harshly what others think, say, or do.
- I avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a means of maintaining distance.
- I allow my addictions to people, places, and things to distract me from achieving intimacy in relationships.
- I use indirect and evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation.
- I diminish my capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use all the tools of recovery.
- I suppress my feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable.
- I pull people toward me, but when they get close, I push them away.
- I refuse to give up my self-will to avoid surrendering to a power that is greater than myself.
- I believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness.
- I withhold expressions of appreciation.
Overeater, codependent or both; on the other hand, does it really matter?
Are You a Compulsive Overeater? (From Overeaters Anonymous)
This series of questions may help you determine if you are a compulsive eater.
- Do you eat when you’re not hungry? yes
- Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason? yes
- Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating? yes
- Do you give too much time and thought to food? yes
- Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone? yes
- Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time? yes
- Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone? yes
- Is your weight affecting the way you live your life? yes but getting better...
- Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal? made goal, back up a few and starting over...
- Do you resent others telling you to “use a little willpower” to stop overeating? yes
- Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet “on your own” whenever you wish? yes
- Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime? yes
- Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble? yes or is it just boredom?
- Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition? no
- Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy? yes
Questionnaire To Identify Signs Of Co-dependency
This condition appears to run in different degrees, whereby the intensity of symptoms are on a spectrum of severity, as opposed to an all or nothing scale. Please note that only a qualified professional can make a diagnosis of co-dependency; not everyone experiencing these symptoms suffers from co-dependency.
1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments? most definitely
2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you? incessantly
3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem? both times
4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you? yes
5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own? I know they aren't but I have to be reminded
6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home? change = anxiety
7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends? he doesn't go anywhere
8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be? not any more!
9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others? yes
10. Have you ever felt inadequate? more often than adequate
11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake? mistake = anxiety
12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts? yes; ironically though it's what I want more than anything...
13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake? yes
14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts? {sigh} yes
15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done? constantly would be more accurate
16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss? very much
17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life? I'm going somewhere?
18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help? yes
19. Do you have trouble asking for help? I don't want to be a burden.
20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them? I feel that way...
2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you? incessantly
3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem? both times
4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you? yes
5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own? I know they aren't but I have to be reminded
6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home? change = anxiety
7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends? he doesn't go anywhere
8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be? not any more!
9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others? yes
10. Have you ever felt inadequate? more often than adequate
11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake? mistake = anxiety
12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts? yes; ironically though it's what I want more than anything...
13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake? yes
14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts? {sigh} yes
15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done? constantly would be more accurate
16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss? very much
17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life? I'm going somewhere?
18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help? yes
19. Do you have trouble asking for help? I don't want to be a burden.
20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them? I feel that way...
If you identify with several of these symptoms; are dissatisfied with yourself or your relationships; you should consider seeking professional help. Arrange for a diagnostic evaluation with a licensed physician or psychologist experienced in treating co-dependency.
Obviously I identify with both overeaters and codependents; so do I need a 12-step program?
Obviously I identify with both overeaters and codependents; so do I need a 12-step program?
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Which is it?
Codependency and Christian Living
On the surface, codependency messages may sound like Christian teaching—
¨ “Codependents always put others first before taking care of themselves.”(Aren’t Christians to put others first?)
¨ “Codependents give themselves away.” (Shouldn’t Christians do the same?)
¨ “Codependents martyr themselves.” (Christianity honors its martyrs.)
These statements have a familiar ring, don’t they? Then how can we distinguish between codependency, which is unhealthy to codependents and their dependents, and mature faith, which is healthy? Codependency says:
¨ I have little or no value
¨ Other persons and situations have all the value
¨ I must please other people regardless of the cost to my person or values
¨ I am to place myself to be used by others without protest
¨ I must give myself away
¨ If I claim any rights for myself, I am selfish
Jesus taught the value of the individual. He said we are to love others equal to ourselves, not more than. A love of self forms the basis for loving others. The differences between a life of service and codependency take several forms. Motivation differs. Does the individual give his
service and himself out of free choice or because he considers himself of no value? Does he seek to “please people”? Does he act out of guilt and fear? Does he act out of a need to be needed (which means he actually uses the other person to meet his own needs; the helpee becomes an object to help the helper achieve his own goals.)
¨ Service is to be an active choice. The person acts. Codependents react.
¨ Codependent behavior is addictive rather than balanced. Addictions control the person instead of the person being in charge of their life.
¨ Codependents have poor sense of boundaries. They help others inappropriately (when it creates dependency on the part of the other person rather than moving that person toward independence.) They have
trouble setting limits for themselves and allow other to invade their boundaries.
¨ A codependent’s sense of self-worth is tied up in helping others. Christianity says that a person has worth simply because he is a human being God created.
¨ Codependents have difficulty living balanced lives. They do for others at the neglect of their own well being and health. Christian faith calls for balanced living and taking care of oneself.
¨ Codependent helping is joyless. Christian service brings joy.
¨ Codependents are driven by their inner compulsions. Christians are God directed and can be free from compulsive behaviors.
On the surface, codependency messages may sound like Christian teaching—
¨ “Codependents always put others first before taking care of themselves.”(Aren’t Christians to put others first?)
¨ “Codependents give themselves away.” (Shouldn’t Christians do the same?)
¨ “Codependents martyr themselves.” (Christianity honors its martyrs.)
These statements have a familiar ring, don’t they? Then how can we distinguish between codependency, which is unhealthy to codependents and their dependents, and mature faith, which is healthy? Codependency says:
¨ I have little or no value
¨ Other persons and situations have all the value
¨ I must please other people regardless of the cost to my person or values
¨ I am to place myself to be used by others without protest
¨ I must give myself away
¨ If I claim any rights for myself, I am selfish
Jesus taught the value of the individual. He said we are to love others equal to ourselves, not more than. A love of self forms the basis for loving others. The differences between a life of service and codependency take several forms. Motivation differs. Does the individual give his
service and himself out of free choice or because he considers himself of no value? Does he seek to “please people”? Does he act out of guilt and fear? Does he act out of a need to be needed (which means he actually uses the other person to meet his own needs; the helpee becomes an object to help the helper achieve his own goals.)
¨ Service is to be an active choice. The person acts. Codependents react.
¨ Codependent behavior is addictive rather than balanced. Addictions control the person instead of the person being in charge of their life.
¨ Codependents have poor sense of boundaries. They help others inappropriately (when it creates dependency on the part of the other person rather than moving that person toward independence.) They have
trouble setting limits for themselves and allow other to invade their boundaries.
¨ A codependent’s sense of self-worth is tied up in helping others. Christianity says that a person has worth simply because he is a human being God created.
¨ Codependents have difficulty living balanced lives. They do for others at the neglect of their own well being and health. Christian faith calls for balanced living and taking care of oneself.
¨ Codependent helping is joyless. Christian service brings joy.
¨ Codependents are driven by their inner compulsions. Christians are God directed and can be free from compulsive behaviors.
Celebrate Recovery Revised 2004-08-21 CoDep Christian-1
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
A quick thought...
One of the motivating factors in losing weight has been the prospect of being able to get off some of the medications I have been put on over the years. Due to circumstances slightly out of my control I ran out of one of my prescriptions and have been without it now for a little over a week. None of my family members have noticed a change in my emotional state and I have been able to sleep, work, etc as normal. I've been on this medication the longest and in the past haven't been able to go more than three days without feeling physically sick (tremors, anxiety attacks) and emotionally on edge. This time - nothing; no symptoms of any kind. Thank you for the hidden blessing! My current difficulty: I still haven't figured out which came first the emotional or physical? Did one problem create another or was it a simultaneous downward spiral, one tumbling in front of the other on a whim?
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Life is looking up
It's been five months now and I've lost a total of 60 pounds. I never thought I would be able to say those words; especially after only five months. The changes I have experienced are physical, mental and emotional. I look in the mirror and for the first time in my life I like what I see. There are flaws; it's not a perfect picture and I can smile with pride.
I touch my chest and feel the closeness of the bone; feel my ring spin around my finger as I notice muscle tone and definition in my arms. I was about 20, had put on 20 pounds since high school and was visiting a friend when our weight became the topic of conversation. I still had a nice figure (I have a picture of me in a leather mini-skirt from that day) and hadn't really registered or cared about 20 pounds. That day I remember saying something about not really caring what the scale said because I don't ever look my actual weight and seem to maintain a 'figure'.
Well, the years went by (20 years, coincidentally enough) and those twenty pounds turned into 70 pounds. I was once an energetic, athletic, cheerful and outgoing young woman who found myself feeling 60 years old at 50. To be honest, I know 60 year old people who probably feel and move better than I did a few months ago. The weight crept on over the years making it easy to ignore the scale. I mean really, when you think about it, that was only a little over 3 pounds a year that I gained. At 170 I had only gained 15 pounds. 10 years later at 190 I had only gained 20 pounds. 10 years after that at 226 I had only gained 50 pounds. Now, if you're doing the math as you read you've already figured out my math is off just a little. It wasn't my math, it was my awareness. My ability to look at myself and accept I have a problem with food.
There were many factors that contributed the this lack of awareness. Time is limited and the bed is calling; more tomorrow.
Is there lack of awareness in your life?
I touch my chest and feel the closeness of the bone; feel my ring spin around my finger as I notice muscle tone and definition in my arms. I was about 20, had put on 20 pounds since high school and was visiting a friend when our weight became the topic of conversation. I still had a nice figure (I have a picture of me in a leather mini-skirt from that day) and hadn't really registered or cared about 20 pounds. That day I remember saying something about not really caring what the scale said because I don't ever look my actual weight and seem to maintain a 'figure'.
Well, the years went by (20 years, coincidentally enough) and those twenty pounds turned into 70 pounds. I was once an energetic, athletic, cheerful and outgoing young woman who found myself feeling 60 years old at 50. To be honest, I know 60 year old people who probably feel and move better than I did a few months ago. The weight crept on over the years making it easy to ignore the scale. I mean really, when you think about it, that was only a little over 3 pounds a year that I gained. At 170 I had only gained 15 pounds. 10 years later at 190 I had only gained 20 pounds. 10 years after that at 226 I had only gained 50 pounds. Now, if you're doing the math as you read you've already figured out my math is off just a little. It wasn't my math, it was my awareness. My ability to look at myself and accept I have a problem with food.
There were many factors that contributed the this lack of awareness. Time is limited and the bed is calling; more tomorrow.
Is there lack of awareness in your life?
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Thoughts...
Weight loss; true weight loss does not have to involve ups & downs. TSFL has provided me the opportunity to really compare fat me to thinner me because it has happened so quickly. Here are a few of the thoughts/things I've noticed along the way.
**Veins are more noticeable/prominent on my legs and arms
**Just 10 pounds was enough for my feet to stop hurting, joints to stop aching
**I have knee caps!
**Pants get longer as you lose weight or I'm getting shorter.
Next day:
**Ooh, there's less around my waist, hips, thighs = material not as stretched out = 'shorter' legs or 'longer' pants.
**You know how you're supposed to have ribs & hip bones? I thought I had lost mine but I found them again!!
**My ring is no longer impossible to remove
**You really do gain/lose weight EVERY where!!
**Walking Mercedes the other day I realized how free my body felt; my thighs weren't rubbing together, arms swung free and only the appropriate parts jiggled.
**I think I might readjust my goal - this is way easier than I thought it would be!!
**My self-esteem has increased with every pound lost
**Change is not as scary as I thought it would be; it hasn't been easy and the battle isn't over but it sure feels good to be in the field...
I held back for years due to my fear of 'rocking the boat'; making excuses, treading water rather than swimming. My one regret at this point is that it took as long as it did for me to really commit to change. I know what was holding me back, what's holding you back?
**Veins are more noticeable/prominent on my legs and arms
**Just 10 pounds was enough for my feet to stop hurting, joints to stop aching
**I have knee caps!
**Pants get longer as you lose weight or I'm getting shorter.
Next day:
**Ooh, there's less around my waist, hips, thighs = material not as stretched out = 'shorter' legs or 'longer' pants.
**You know how you're supposed to have ribs & hip bones? I thought I had lost mine but I found them again!!
**My ring is no longer impossible to remove
**You really do gain/lose weight EVERY where!!
**Walking Mercedes the other day I realized how free my body felt; my thighs weren't rubbing together, arms swung free and only the appropriate parts jiggled.
**I think I might readjust my goal - this is way easier than I thought it would be!!
**My self-esteem has increased with every pound lost
**Change is not as scary as I thought it would be; it hasn't been easy and the battle isn't over but it sure feels good to be in the field...
I held back for years due to my fear of 'rocking the boat'; making excuses, treading water rather than swimming. My one regret at this point is that it took as long as it did for me to really commit to change. I know what was holding me back, what's holding you back?
Sunday, August 1, 2010
The journey has begun and it's all I thought it would be plus more...
Have you reached a point in your life where you have to make a change? I reached that point to over a year ago but it took until this spring to finally reach that true turning point and begin making changes.
This past school year brought a big change at work - I started at yet another new school; however, this time I became the teacher in charge. I was no longer working in a team - just me and my two instructional assistants. It wasn't a bad year but it wasn't a good year either. I spent the majority of the year feeling like I was playing catch-up, always a step behind where I needed to be and tired; very, very tired. On top of it all my weight hadn't changed - in fact I reached my heaviest this year. 226 pounds and I was barely able to walk the dog without my feet hurting. My endometriosis wasn't improving, counseling was keeping me sane but barely; I was even beginning to think I needed to see about INCREASING my medication.
Spring Break came and boy was I ready. It signals the down-hill run to the end of the school year and I was ready! We moved into our newly purchased home in January and still had a lot of unpacking, painting, etc that needed to be worked on. I spent the first few days doing nothing but sleeping and relaxing. Krystal had been in WA since the previous week and called to let me know that she had decided to try the weight loss program my parents had started the year before. I hung up the phone and immediately began to sob - I needed to do something too! If my daughter had the courage to try something and really wanted to make the effort then I should too! I sat with John and explained that I had to make changes - starting with trying out the Medifast products to see if I too could lose weight and begin to feel like a normal human being.
I ordered my food which arrived about ten days later. I began the Take Shape For Life program on April 14 and have lost 48 pounds. I weighed this morning and I weigh 178 pounds!! Only 13 more pounds to my original goal weight and I feel great! My endometriosis has improved tremendously, I have more energy than I could have imagined, my mental state has improved as well as my emotional. This path is a new one and it hasn't been without it's bumps and potholes but I'm moving forward and I'm learning to live my life in a new way.
Tomorrow I'll share some of the many things I've learned/discovered over the last few months of physical, mental and emotional change and self-discovery. One big lesson I am learning quickly - it is critical to have people around you who are supportive of your efforts. How do you go about ensuring you are surrounded by support?
This past school year brought a big change at work - I started at yet another new school; however, this time I became the teacher in charge. I was no longer working in a team - just me and my two instructional assistants. It wasn't a bad year but it wasn't a good year either. I spent the majority of the year feeling like I was playing catch-up, always a step behind where I needed to be and tired; very, very tired. On top of it all my weight hadn't changed - in fact I reached my heaviest this year. 226 pounds and I was barely able to walk the dog without my feet hurting. My endometriosis wasn't improving, counseling was keeping me sane but barely; I was even beginning to think I needed to see about INCREASING my medication.
Spring Break came and boy was I ready. It signals the down-hill run to the end of the school year and I was ready! We moved into our newly purchased home in January and still had a lot of unpacking, painting, etc that needed to be worked on. I spent the first few days doing nothing but sleeping and relaxing. Krystal had been in WA since the previous week and called to let me know that she had decided to try the weight loss program my parents had started the year before. I hung up the phone and immediately began to sob - I needed to do something too! If my daughter had the courage to try something and really wanted to make the effort then I should too! I sat with John and explained that I had to make changes - starting with trying out the Medifast products to see if I too could lose weight and begin to feel like a normal human being.
I ordered my food which arrived about ten days later. I began the Take Shape For Life program on April 14 and have lost 48 pounds. I weighed this morning and I weigh 178 pounds!! Only 13 more pounds to my original goal weight and I feel great! My endometriosis has improved tremendously, I have more energy than I could have imagined, my mental state has improved as well as my emotional. This path is a new one and it hasn't been without it's bumps and potholes but I'm moving forward and I'm learning to live my life in a new way.
Tomorrow I'll share some of the many things I've learned/discovered over the last few months of physical, mental and emotional change and self-discovery. One big lesson I am learning quickly - it is critical to have people around you who are supportive of your efforts. How do you go about ensuring you are surrounded by support?
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Update on weight
I weighed myself this morning and am down 2.5 pounds and am at 217.5. I am planning on going to the gym around 4:00. That is about when Kry and I will be getting there each day so I might as well get used to the crowd that is there during that time. The mornings around 10-12 are pretty slow but some of the classes I want to try are offered then. I'm hoping I can get someone to try a couple of the classes with me but if not I'll just be brave! Jeez you wouldn't believe I was 39 years old would you?! Some personality traits are just hard to overcome and I really am a shy person - until I feel comfortable.
Didn't follow any kind of a diet last week - I'm sure you figured that out if you've been following my posts. I am going to try and do better this week. Made a good meal for JT and I earlier and have a meal planned for dinner. Managed to get him to bed last night but his back is hurting bad today. I hope it's not the bed - we may need to invest in a sleep number bed or something. He's said before that the bed is too soft for him but it seems to me the couch would be worse. Although...it is difficult to sleep on your stomach on the couch, in fact he never does. He is always on his back or side; when sleeping in bed he often times ends up on his stomach. Sleeping on your stomach and lower back problems do not mix well. I used to sleep on my stomach a lot too but it was bad for my neck and have managed to train myself not to. Will have to mention that to JT. Going to spend some time writing and then back to sorting stuff to toss or put in a yard sale.
Didn't follow any kind of a diet last week - I'm sure you figured that out if you've been following my posts. I am going to try and do better this week. Made a good meal for JT and I earlier and have a meal planned for dinner. Managed to get him to bed last night but his back is hurting bad today. I hope it's not the bed - we may need to invest in a sleep number bed or something. He's said before that the bed is too soft for him but it seems to me the couch would be worse. Although...it is difficult to sleep on your stomach on the couch, in fact he never does. He is always on his back or side; when sleeping in bed he often times ends up on his stomach. Sleeping on your stomach and lower back problems do not mix well. I used to sleep on my stomach a lot too but it was bad for my neck and have managed to train myself not to. Will have to mention that to JT. Going to spend some time writing and then back to sorting stuff to toss or put in a yard sale.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
The Journey Begins...
I started this blog hoping to force myself into being accountable in my efforts to take better care of myself. I recently signed up for a gym and will have my third and final meeting with the trainer on Friday. He has given me a very rigorous workout to help get rid of the fat and tone up the muscle. The hard part is going to be getting myself there on a regular basis. I would really prefer a treadmill here at home so I didn't have to go anywhere but that will have to wait and my getting healthy won't. I am working on an eating plan that will work for me ant my family. Mom has recommended a program called Medifast and I have looked into it but I am not sure I want to go that route. I wouldn't be able to eat all of their foods because a lot of it is soy based and my obgyn said to stay away from soy due to my endometriosis. Which adds a whole different element to this whole process. I have learned the hard way that when the endo is inflamed it is not good to exercise - it only makes it worse. I am hoping that once I have been exercising regularly I will begin to notice a decrease in the pain and will be able to work-out through the flair-ups.
I've put it off long enough, as much as I don't want to I am going to post my physical bio tonight. I have officially weighed and measured myself to establish a staring point for this journey of healing. This is only one facet of the journey - the others will be explored later or in other postings. For now, the weight issue!!
The facts:
I currently wear a women's size 16 and put more stock in how I feel and look than in what the scale says. In high school I learned that my size and weight did not match. I could wear the same clothes as friends that weighed 135 but I weighed 150-155. I beleive that 175 is a reasonable goal for me to acheive at this point. I am 20+ years past high school and realistic enough to know that bearing a child and age change the body in ways that can't always be reversed.
Over the next few blogs I will continue to share my current 'state of affairs'. A quick synopsis is that over the years I have (in order) been diagnosed and/or been treated for the following: major depression, irritable bowl syndrome, fybroid tumors (4 removed), hypothyroidism, fybroid tumors (again), endometriosis, bi-polar 2 disorder. Getting to this point in life was not easy, I made a lot of mistakes along the way and have not treated my body as well as I should have. My life is taking a turn since I will soon be an 'empty nester' and I should be looking forward to this time when I am young and free to do so many things. NOT!!!! I am so tired and worn out most the time that I haven't even done the things I dreamed of doing with my daughter.
I can't change the past but I can certainly change the outlook for the future and I can take each moment as it comes, praying each step will be guided by the hand of God as I work to become healthy in all aspects of my life: spiritual, emotional, physical and relational.
Comforted for now...:) goodnight!
I've put it off long enough, as much as I don't want to I am going to post my physical bio tonight. I have officially weighed and measured myself to establish a staring point for this journey of healing. This is only one facet of the journey - the others will be explored later or in other postings. For now, the weight issue!!
The facts:
- Height: 5'7"
- Weight: 220 lbs
- Neck: 15"
- Rt Arm: 14 1/2"
- Chest: 45" (over breast) 35" (under breast)
- Waist: 37"
- Hips: 46"
- Rt Thigh: 28"
I currently wear a women's size 16 and put more stock in how I feel and look than in what the scale says. In high school I learned that my size and weight did not match. I could wear the same clothes as friends that weighed 135 but I weighed 150-155. I beleive that 175 is a reasonable goal for me to acheive at this point. I am 20+ years past high school and realistic enough to know that bearing a child and age change the body in ways that can't always be reversed.
Over the next few blogs I will continue to share my current 'state of affairs'. A quick synopsis is that over the years I have (in order) been diagnosed and/or been treated for the following: major depression, irritable bowl syndrome, fybroid tumors (4 removed), hypothyroidism, fybroid tumors (again), endometriosis, bi-polar 2 disorder. Getting to this point in life was not easy, I made a lot of mistakes along the way and have not treated my body as well as I should have. My life is taking a turn since I will soon be an 'empty nester' and I should be looking forward to this time when I am young and free to do so many things. NOT!!!! I am so tired and worn out most the time that I haven't even done the things I dreamed of doing with my daughter.
I can't change the past but I can certainly change the outlook for the future and I can take each moment as it comes, praying each step will be guided by the hand of God as I work to become healthy in all aspects of my life: spiritual, emotional, physical and relational.
Comforted for now...:) goodnight!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
A little more info...
Well, here I am again. The urge to get some food struck so thought I better get to writing. It has been about 4 hours since eating last and it would be ok to eat a snack but I want to stop the habit of just jumping up and giving in immediately to the craving. Not that I'm even craving anything in particular - just feel like eating. Not sure why - bored to some degree I guess. Have things I need to do but don't feel like doing them. Laundry is in a huge pile in the bedroom and needs to be carried to the garage and sorted. Since I have to go to work tomorrow I really need to start a load as well. This brings me to my other 'new beginning'. Mom gave me two of the books written by the Slob Sisters: Sidetracked Home Executives & I don't remember the title of the other one. I'll post it later when I locate the book. Anyway, they talk about organizing your life and creating a schedule. Part of their program is to create 'job cards' for various tasks that need to be completed on daily, weekly, monthly and a yearly basis. I have used their ideas and considered my own families needs and created a system of my own. I even decorated the box to keep the 3X5 cards in to make it more appealing. My hope is that the family will buy into this and it will hopefully help to make things run a little smoother around the house. It's more a matter of actually getting things done. I'm pretty sure there are several different lists that I have started showing all the things we have needed to do since we move into this place 6 months ago. We three are a bunch of procrastinators and something has to give. I can't take the clutter, the dirt, the fighting or being fat and over weight anymore. It's time for a change!
Writing it down to make it real...
Why is it that we call it comfort food? In the end it quite often eds up causing far more pain than comfort. Comfort is a warm blanket that softens every muscle leaving a tingle behind. As the warmth seeps into your bones you can drift off for a while---waking up warm and cozy.
Food on the other hand provides comfort as the flavor is savored and sometimes felt as it slides down our throats slowly providing that wonderful feeling of being full. It's hard to remember that feeling; I don't experience it much anymore. A friend of mine compared food to heroin one time. It provides pleasure for a while and long past when it stops providing pleasure your body still needs and craves it. Unfortunately they haven't found a methadone for food yet.
I recently found an article about people who were blogging and twittering their pounds away. As I read through the various accounts I got up several times to make my way to the kitchen. It occurred to me later that it made sense. Why not start writing every time I feel like getting some food and even when I don't. I don't want to take the pills the doc gave me, especially since I really would like to reduce the amount of medication I take- not increase it.
So, today begins my journey to a healthier (hopefully thinner) body and mind. Over the next few days I will write down the things I am trying to change and how I plan on accomplishing those changes.
Food on the other hand provides comfort as the flavor is savored and sometimes felt as it slides down our throats slowly providing that wonderful feeling of being full. It's hard to remember that feeling; I don't experience it much anymore. A friend of mine compared food to heroin one time. It provides pleasure for a while and long past when it stops providing pleasure your body still needs and craves it. Unfortunately they haven't found a methadone for food yet.
I recently found an article about people who were blogging and twittering their pounds away. As I read through the various accounts I got up several times to make my way to the kitchen. It occurred to me later that it made sense. Why not start writing every time I feel like getting some food and even when I don't. I don't want to take the pills the doc gave me, especially since I really would like to reduce the amount of medication I take- not increase it.
So, today begins my journey to a healthier (hopefully thinner) body and mind. Over the next few days I will write down the things I am trying to change and how I plan on accomplishing those changes.
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