Now for my thoughts...

When I was 10 years old I prayed for salvation and committed myself to Christ.  I wanted to do only God's will from that point on in my life.  As I read through the various materials for Codependents Anonymous and Overeaters Anonymous I realized that I have

1. Admitted I was powerless over sin.
2. Believe that God can restore me to sanity.
3. I have given my life and will over to God. (I just need to get better at staying out of the driver's seat!)
4. I am constantly taking a moral inventory of my life.
5. This is where the daily living part comes in and where I need to improve.  Steps 4-12 are steps that may be repeated several during a lifetime due to circumstances and decisions we make.

No, I don't think I need a 12 step program for the steps; however, there is something to be said for the fellowship that can be found.  I tried one of the Coda meetings here in the area and was not impressed at all.  In fact it was rather depressing.  When I walked in no one made eye contact, said hello  or acknowledged that we had entered into a room where a meeting was going to soon begin.  Thankfully we had chosen to be there and were in the correct room.  As the meeting progressed each person read from their chosen script in sometimes bare audible monotones.  Then as participants shared there was no rhyme or reason to the sharing - unlike the AA and NA meetings I have attended.

My time is short tonight so I'll end with my thoughts from this morning:
*I need to set a schedule that includes working on self
*I need to work on establishing my 'support' network

How does one go about developing a support network?

The 12 steps...

The following are the 12 steps as they would read for either a (codependent) or an overeater...

1. We admitted we were powerless over (others) food — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to (codependents) compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Codependency; another way to look at it...

Am I Co-Dependent?   

These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers.  (I underlined the ones that I identify with in some way)

   Denial Patterns:

• I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
• I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.
• I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.
• I lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others.
• I label others with my negative traits.
• I can take care of myself without any help from others.
• I mask my pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation.
• I express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways.
• I do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom I am attracted. 

   Low Self Esteem Patterns:

• I have difficulty making decisions.
• I judge what I think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.
• I am embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.
• I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings, and behavior over my own. 
• I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
• I constantly seek recognition that I think I deserve.
• I have difficulty admitting that I made a mistake.
• I need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and will even lie to look good.
• I am unable to ask others to meet my needs or desires.
• I perceive myself as superior to others.
• I look to others to provide my sense of safety.
• I have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects.
• I have trouble setting healthy priorities.

   Compliance Patterns:

• I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
• I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger.
• I put aside my own interests in order to do what others want.
• I am hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings.
• I am afraid to express my beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others.
• I accept sexual attention when I want love.
• I make decisions without regard to the consequences.
• I give up my truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change. 

   Control Patterns:

• I believe most people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
• I attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel.
• I freely offer advice and direction to others without being asked.
• I become resentful when others decline my help or reject my advice.
• I lavish gifts and favors on those I want to influence.
• I use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance. 
• I have to be needed in order to have a relationship with others. 
• I demand that my needs be met by others. 
• I use charm and charisma to convince others of my capacity to be caring and compassionate.
• I use blame and shame to emotionally exploit others. 
• I refuse to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate. 
• I adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes.
• I use terms of recovery in an attempt to control the behavior of others.
• I pretend to agree with others to get what I want.

   Avoidance Patterns:

• I act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward me.  
• I judge harshly what others think, say, or do.
• I avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a means of maintaining distance.
• I allow my addictions to people, places, and things to distract me from achieving intimacy in relationships. 
• I use indirect and evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation.
• I diminish my capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use all the tools of recovery.
• I suppress my feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable.
• I pull people toward me, but when they get close, I push them away.
• I refuse to give up my self-will to avoid surrendering to a power that is greater than myself. 
• I believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness.
• I withhold expressions of appreciation.