Overeater, codependent or both; on the other hand, does it really matter?

Are You a Compulsive Overeater? (From Overeaters Anonymous)

This series of questions may help you determine if you are a compulsive eater.

1. Do you eat when you’re not hungry?  yes
2. Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason?  yes
3. Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating?  yes
4. Do you give too much time and thought to food?  yes
5. Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone?  yes
6. Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time?  yes
7. Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone?  yes
8. Is your weight affecting the way you live your life?  yes but getting better...
9. Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal? made goal, back up a few and starting over...
10. Do you resent others telling you to “use a little willpower” to stop overeating?  yes
11. Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet “on your own” whenever you wish?  yes
12. Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime?  yes
13. Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble?  yes or is it just boredom?
14. Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition?  no
15. Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy?  yes

Questionnaire To Identify Signs Of Co-dependency

This condition appears to run in different degrees, whereby the intensity of symptoms are on a spectrum of severity, as opposed to an all or nothing scale. Please note that only a qualified professional can make a diagnosis of co-dependency; not everyone experiencing these symptoms suffers from co-dependency.

1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments? most definitely
2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you? incessantly
3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem? both times
4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?  yes
5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own?  I know they aren't but I have to be reminded
6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home?  change = anxiety
7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends?  he doesn't go anywhere
8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?  not any more!
9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?  yes
10. Have you ever felt inadequate?  more often than adequate
11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?  mistake = anxiety
12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?  yes; ironically though it's what I want more than anything...
13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?  yes
14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?  {sigh} yes
15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done?  constantly would be more accurate
16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss?  very much
17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life?  I'm going somewhere?
18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help?  yes
19. Do you have trouble asking for help?  I don't want to be a burden.
20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them?  I feel that way...

If you identify with several of these symptoms; are dissatisfied with yourself or your relationships; you should consider seeking professional help. Arrange for a diagnostic evaluation with a licensed physician or psychologist experienced in treating co-dependency.

Obviously I identify with both overeaters and codependents; so do I need a 12-step program?

Which is it?

Codependency and Christian Living

On the surface, codependency messages may sound like Christian teaching—

¨ “Codependents always put others first before taking care of themselves.”(Aren’t Christians to put others first?)
¨ “Codependents give themselves away.” (Shouldn’t Christians do the same?)
¨ “Codependents martyr themselves.” (Christianity honors its martyrs.)

These statements have a familiar ring, don’t they? Then how can we distinguish between codependency, which is unhealthy to codependents and their dependents, and mature faith, which is healthy?  Codependency says:
¨ I have little or no value
¨ Other persons and situations have all the value
¨ I must please other people regardless of the cost to my person or values
¨ I am to place myself to be used by others without protest
¨ I must give myself away
¨ If I claim any rights for myself, I am selfish

Jesus taught the value of the individual.  He said we are to love others equal to ourselves, not more than.  A love of self forms the basis for loving others.  The differences between a life of service and codependency take several forms.  Motivation differs. Does the individual give his
service and himself out of free choice or because he considers himself of no value? Does he seek to “please people”? Does he act out of guilt and fear?  Does he act out of a need to be needed (which means he actually uses the other person to meet his own needs; the helpee becomes an object to help the helper achieve his own goals.)

¨ Service is to be an active choice.  The person acts. Codependents react.
¨ Codependent behavior is addictive rather than balanced. Addictions control the person instead of the person being in charge of their life.
¨ Codependents have poor sense of boundaries. They help others inappropriately (when it creates dependency on the part of the other person rather than moving that person toward independence.) They have
trouble setting limits for themselves and allow other to invade their boundaries.
¨ A codependent’s sense of self-worth is tied up in helping others.  Christianity says that a person has worth simply because he is a human being God created.
¨ Codependents have difficulty living balanced lives. They do for others at the neglect of their own well being and health.  Christian faith calls for balanced living and taking care of oneself.
¨ Codependent helping is joyless. Christian service brings joy.
¨ Codependents are driven by their inner compulsions. Christians are God directed and can be free from compulsive behaviors.

Celebrate Recovery Revised 2004-08-21 CoDep Christian-1

Changes #2

Last night I briefly shared the tentative plans we had for last weeks vacation.  Things went as planned up until Wednesday.  We arrived in Mattawa Monday evening as planned and settled into my moms guest room.  Tuesday the three of us slept in while my parents went to work.  By about 12 I was up and around and decided I wanted to go visit my mom at work and then drop by and see my sister-in-law, niece and baby nephew.  Krystal was already with my brother and going to be going to their house later anyway.  I suggested John come along but he wanted to stay at the house to watch movies and relax.  I ended up being gone until that evening; getting home in time to help fix dinner.  The next day (Wednesday) we had decided was a good day to get most of the senior photos out of the way since we needed to get up to Spokane also.  Mom wanted zucchini bread made so we (Trin; sister-in-law, Krystal and I) agreed we could make it and do the senior photos since Krystal wanted the pictures taken in the orchard behind Trin's house.  I figured John would come along since Trin and Justus have cable and more to offer for 'entertainment'.  Plus he could play with the kids, etc.  Enjoy the family with me.  Instead he decided he would rather take Mercedes somewhere and head out on his own.

This is where the story becomes a series of random decisions.  Not long after getting to Trin's house to start bread and take photos my sister calls.  Her meeting in Kenewick had been shorter than planned so she had time to come through Mattawa and she had decided that we needed to have some sister bonding time.  I was to pack a bag and be ready to go in an hour.  I informed her that I had already committed to helping Krystal with her senior photos and couldn't walk out on that.  She said she had some time to spare so to hurry up with the photos and she would be there soon.  Not sure I even wanted to go and not wanting to just leave John hanging I called him to see what he thought.  His reaction: "Sounds like a great idea, you should do it!"  I hadn't expected that response at all and decided in that moment that it must be God letting me know this was the direction for the day.

In order to fit this new twist into our 'plans' I worked out with Krystal and John that they would come up to Spokane the next day at some point so we could take care of that business and stay the night with my sister to go home on Friday.  What I didn't realize when I was making these plans was that my sister had borrowed my brother's truck and wanted me to drive it back down to Mattawa for her; eliminating the need for John and Krystal to come get me if it wasn't necessary. 

Since I had gone with my sister to Spokane John had decided to drive into Seattle to spend some time with his cousin.  I encouraged this trip knowing he would enjoy that much more that sitting at home with my parents.  In addition, once I realized it was not necessary for them to come to Spokane right away I figured this would give me a chance to meet one of my friends in Spokane for lunch.

My writing timer has gone off so I must honor my commitment and stop.  Good night for now...