Lessons learned and still learning...

It's been almost two years since I posted on this blog and it feels as though I have lived a lifetime since then. I have come so far and yet have so far to go. I started that routine I had come to realize I needed - I started by taking care of myself.

It began as simply waking up a little earlier than normal each morning so that I could read my Bible and spend time in prayer. As I spent time with God He made me aware of things in my life that needed to change. It seemed that every time I picked up the Bible I was reading scripture or commentary that spoke to my unhealthy lifestyle choices. These choices created a sinful barrier between myself and God and if I really wanted to turn my life around I was going to have to turn all of these things over to Him. On any given day I was using something to fill the void in my heart that only God is capable of filling. Over my lifetime these things have included reading books, food, drugs, sex and codependent relationships.

As I read my through the books of the New Testement, Psalms and Proverbs I saw over and over how much God loves me. I was reminded repeatedly that Jesus died so that I don't have to carry the burden of the pain that has been done to me, nor do I have to carry the burden of the sins I have committed.

On July 1, 2011 I made the decision to take my life out of Satan's hands and place it back in Jesus' loving arms. His arms were willingly extended and nailed to the cross so that I could live free from the burden of my sins. He died, was buried and rose again so that I too may have life - abundant life!

In a recent post I talked of the 12 steps  of recovery and proclaimed that "No, I don't think I need a 12 step program for the steps". I am now a regular attendee of NA, AA and Celebrate Recovery. I am working my steps with a sponsor and proud to say I am on step 6. I was so off base to think that I did not need the steps to help me recover from my addictions.

Working step 4 & 5 were liberating-

4. I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself.
5. I admitted to God, to myself, and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs.

For the first time I truly looked deep down inside and dug out all the stuff hidden in the corners of that dark hole I had been trying to fill. I pulled it all out, looked at it all for what it was, confessed my sins to God and as I did so handed it all to Him. One ugly memory at a time. Each time I did, that black hole got smaller and smaller. There is now a light that fills my heart, joy and peace that exists even during the storms of life.

Thank you Jesus for loving me, freeing me of my past and giving me hope for the future!

Food addiction or not?

Eating is necessary for humans to survive; however, eating to survive looks a lot different than eating as an addict.  Following are a series of questions I found on the Overeaters Anonymous website.  I have answered the questions for myself in my current situation and came to the conclusion that I am a compulsive eater. This series of questions may help you determine if you are a compulsive eater.

1. Do you eat when you’re not hungry?  yes
2. Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason?  yes
3. Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating?  yes, before, during and after!
4. Do you give too much time and thought to food?  yes, every waking moment it seems on some days
5. Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone?  yes
6. Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time?  yes
7. Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone?  yes
8. Is your weight affecting the way you live your life?  yes but getting better...
9. Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal? made goal, back up a few and starting over...
10. Do you resent others telling you to “use a little willpower” to stop overeating?  yes
11. Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet “on your own” whenever you wish?  yes
12. Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime?  yes
13. Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble?  yes or is it just boredom?
14. Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition?  no
15. Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy?  yes; definitely me!

These questions have made even more sense since going on the Take Shape for Life program.  The 5 and 1 meal plan eliminated the 'opportunity' to 'snack' on inappropriate food items while providing foods that help to satisfy my sweet tooth. 

How do you deal with food?  Are you an emotional eater?  Are there triggers that make it difficult to avoid the cookie, candy aisle or fast foo drive-thru?

Under Construction

I am just beginning to work on this blog and since I tend to be a person who likes to try it on for size it will be a day or two before I start make any official posts as I create the pages and links so that the blog provides the information and tools I have planned.  Thank you for your patience as I work things out!

Carmen