Fall Break

Our school district takes a week off in the fall and I am enjoying my break from the classroom.  Things are so topsy turvy right now I'm not always sure what direction I'm going much less what day it is.  People often talk of 'one door opening as another one closes' - what do you do when it feels like several doors are opening & closing all at the same time?!  It's not so much opening/closing doors I guess as it's blessings coupled with emotional chaos that is causing my mental frustrations.

Praise:
    >  Received almost double expected amount of financial windfall; enough to pay off most of cards, make down payment and put some in savings.
    >  Offer on house accepted; based on current rates payment will be less than current rent payment.
    >  Receiving monthly child support for the first time in 16 years.
    >  Finally got new bras today  - Mercedes decided to chew on the last two I had, making it necessary to get new ones ;>)

Prayer:
    >  JT & Kry not getting along any better; still feel like I am stuck in the middle and can't please either one.
    >  Emotional state of whole household is going downhill; have to get JT to counseling with me or just bite the bullet and make stand at home.
    >  Personal health (emotional & physical) suffering
        *  Depression interferring more often
        *  Pain in feet/heels has returned & not even exercising
        *  Pain in hands getting worse; some days hurts to hold pen to sign name
  
It's past midnight and time to get some shut eye.  I'm sure my life is no less chaotic then most; some would even say I have nothing to complain about.  My hope is that by putting these thoughts here, typing my rantings for all or none to read, calmness will find its way to the waves of thought that currently thunder in my head.

Why does no one seem to believe - I talk in order to relieve - I hope to find support - Instead I endure yet another report - of all my failures as a mother - hearing from one is bad enough - both becomes unbearable - don't yell at her he snaps - for telling Sadie no, as she pawed at the back seat - call psych for apt - call counselor about bringing S to apt, try to get Jt to go - he manipulates too - pray for me Lord, my heart is weary - carry me Lord, my legs are weak - Amen

Med update

*Warning this contains graphic physical/medical terminology*

I had an appointment with my obgyn a week ago and we have come up with a plan of action to address my concerns.  I went to her because I have had rectal bleeding every month for over 6 months; indicating the endometriosis has advanced to the point of breaking through the mucus layer in my bowel. I am worried that a blockage could occur which would then require emergency surgery and possible long-term problems.  We discussed several possibilities but settled a multi-directional approach.
        *I am to make an appointment with my psychiatrist and find out the possibility of increasing my cymbalts to help with pain management & recent increase in depression symptoms.
        *Dr. is going to check in to a new medicine that has possible benefits for me and dealing with the endo.
        *Dr. will request depo/lupron shot approval from insurance.  She wants me to get at least one shot before having surgery.
         *Dr. will perform surgery to remove final ovary and any endo possible.
         *Will go on HRT

My concern with this plan is the depo/lupron shot.  The major side effects for this are hot flashes, night sweats, depression, weight gain and sometimes thyroid problems.  Already have night sweats, have been diagnosed bipolar 2 (depression with periods of even deeper depression), have weight issues and a thyroid problem.   The purpose of the depo/lupron is to shrink the endo.  This is done by putting your body into artificial menopause and can be administered for up to a year.  Each shot lasts 3 months.  Dr. wants me to go through one 3 month treatmen in order to shrink the endo away from the bowel a little so she possibly won't have to cut as far into that area.  However, when depo/lupron is used it is more difficult to even see the endo; diffrentiated it from other scar tissue.

I don't want to put myself or my family through the emotional upheavel it sounds like this would cause.  I'm not sure I could continue working at that point.  So much to consider and on top of it all JT and Kry had another major blow-up last night.

The bell has sounded and my time is up - I must run before I turn into a pumpkin! :)  Actually just need to get in bed so I can get a few hours of sleep before the dreaded wake-up ring causes my phone to shutter violently on my bedstand.  Goodnight.